I came to Christ purely out of selfish reasons: I did want to go to hell. Within a few years, I was feeling restless like there had to be more to the Christian life than an assurance of heaven after I die. The more I read about Jesus and all that He was while he walked this earth and all that he is currently is heaven, I wanted to be recreated in His image. So I sought after spiritual formations through the classic disciplines and spiritual practices of our great Christian history. I fell madly in love with God for the first time. I lit candles, played moody music, sat in stillness and silence for long periods of time just hear Him speak. It was and is romantic. Like an obsessed lover, I wanted more. I sought to understand and to open myself up to the fullness of the Holy Spirit. “Transformation; finally” I thought. And to a degree, it was transforming. Things that I struggled with my whole life; character flaws, secret addictions- seemed to fade in the distance as God became the target at which my whole life now aimed.

Yet, after a few more years, I was restless again. What was all this transformation for? If it was just for me to be different, I could have had some level of success applying myself to one of many methods, secular and spiritual, of behavior modification. I wanted to be like Jesus and Jesus interacted differently with people than I did. For all of my change, I was still largely selfish and arrogant. Jesus was selfless and humble while he walked with us. I turned my attention to social justice. My eyes were opened to the huge deal God made about the orphan, the widow, the poor, the alien, the ill and imprisoned in the Old Testament and the New Testament through the words and actions of Jesus and the new church that started in His stead. “This was what its for,” I thought. So I gave food to the homeless and talked with them about their lives, I helped rebuild homes that were falling apart and more.

Still, I felt there needed to be more. What were all of these deeds for? I began to understand the heart of Christ for the lost. Social Justice means something if it opens the door for those less fortunate to receive the greatest gift of God- namely salvation. I threw away much of what I learned through the years on this subject; the cute and clever sales type techniques that try to out wit your opponent into getting them to sign on the dotted line and instead went with an organic, loving everyday relationship approach. I reminded myself that Jesus never called us to save souls, but to make disciples. Discipleship is not a hit and run - get them saved approach; but a process of long term friendship.

All of this was by God’s design. Each experience opened up a new level of understanding at just the right time for me to receive it. While this describes much of my spiritual journey in a nutshell, there is one important detail that I left out. It is an underpinning that, in spite of my readings and searching and yearning that pushed me closer to God’s heart and the progress that I may have made, threatened to topple it all. Simply put, my thinking about who God is and who I am in Him was flawed and needed correction.

In spite of my growth, my mind was still greatly formed by the culture in which I was raised and the systems of this world. I understood and related to God through the filter that my life had handed to me.

To be more thoroughly changed, I needed to no longer allow myself to be conformed to this world but to purposely renew my mind with healthy thoughts concerning who God is and who I am in Him.

Through this next series of posts, I want to invite you to reconsider our conclusions - conscious and unconscious – regarding God and ourselves and to make a decision to renew (to replace) our destructive thoughts with who He and we actually are.

Labels: change, God, longing, transformation